We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
