"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
