I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
