NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
