I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I love having hate sex.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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