Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Someone signed my nipple.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
