I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That accounts for only three of the penises
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
