Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
