Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
