I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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