my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
All I want is dick and wine.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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