Whod you bang
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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