Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
