So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
