im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
