Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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