i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she looked like the before picture.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
the raccoons are back...
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