mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
