bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
