I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
