**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Found your dick twin last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
