she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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