It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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