Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
