I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
