Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
