You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
