No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
