I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
