You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
