I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
