so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
