you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
