I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
