He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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