So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
