Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
