i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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