You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
