Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
