Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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