I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
