Swine flu. Run for my life!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
