apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
