Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
