My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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