smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
