Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
