By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
