dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I am one with the molecules
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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