): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
