We're like a lot better than the average bears
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
