Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
