I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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