How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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