I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
