omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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