are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I think I just sharted jello shots
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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