I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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