I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
