I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
