U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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