the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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