it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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