plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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