I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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