he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
