Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
