I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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