Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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