I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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