you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
